08.09
I just saw G.I. Joe, and I have to say, it wasn’t as bad as everybody said it was going to be. I was a little fearfull as to what I would expect. The talk amongst the internet stated that the movie was going to completely blow. And I will admit, it did have it’s horrible parts, it was still a good movie overall.
G.I. Joe was a pretty absurd cartoon, so you do have to give them a bit of leeway when they talk about things like nanomites, and it would have been very easy for this movie to be completely retarded. Just thinking back to some of the vehicles that they drove around in and picturing them rendered in live action is enough to make me quake with fear. Thankfully, aside from the ridiculous robot suits that they used in their run through Paris, it was all pretty good. The whole movie is basically made possible due to nano technology. It’s used to make weapons, create some of our favorite villains, and control the minds of cobra ground troops. It’s how the Eiffel Tower falls (It’s in the trailer, so I don’t consider this a spoiler), and how Zartan changes shape (he’s a major villain from the cartoon, again not a spoiler). Nano tech is a nice way of explaining the absurdity that they brought in from the cartoon, and works pretty well without having to get too much into science fiction.
(Spoiler Warning)Now for my opinions on the actual story.
Being the first movie in the series, they have to start off with everybody’s back story. You get to see Stormshadow and Snake Eyes as children fighting each other. You see Duke before he was a Joe. You watch Destro go from not quite legitimate arms dealer to the metal headed leader of Cobra we all know and love. They do a pretty good job of getting everybody into the movie in a way that fits. Nobody really has a bad backstory. There is a problem, however, the movie is about the rise of Cobra, and as such, you spend the whole movie waiting to see Cobra Commander. At one point, you see that retarded mask that they made for the movie and they make you think that they are going to put it on Duke, making him Cobra Commander. I was actually getting just a little pissed off while I sat in the theater. For about five minutes, I thought that I was going to have to get up and leave the theater. But then everything changes and we see that Duke gets set free and is able to rejoin G.I. Joe. The only character that I didn’t really care for was Dr. Mindbender. It’s almost like they added him as an after thought or just slapped his name on to a random guy in a lab coat…
The only parts that I didn’t care for are ones that just didn’t make any sense, even when you look at them from the viewpoint of this being an 80′s cartoon. Forinstance, the word, “weaponizing”. I’m not really sure if they knew what it means when they put it in the script. They have four warheads, which were actually just glass footballs filled with nanomites, that they had to weaponize. To do this, they had to go to a particle accelerator, and shoot the hell out of them with particles or something. The best part is when they get there, the scientists all know exactly what they are talking about when they are told to weaponize the warheads, as though it was the main reason that particle accelerators are made is to weaponize nanomite filled warheads, but they just lacked the software to do it. The second problem that I would have is, once again, the robot suits. Normally robot suits are whipped out for the finale, they are used when nothing else will work, but in this movie, they whip them out right at the start, then stop using them. Lastly, I’m only going to say one thing, ICE FLOATS!!!!!!!!!